Renaruki's Internal Thoughts

[renaruki]

I will post here my drawings and writing from my inner self. From the person I am hiding.

[renaruki]

I feel cramped in a body that is not fit for me. I feel pain. I just want to escape from my body. Tears and blood is how I am escaping. Even though I bring my body pain I need to escape.
All of my secrets are locked away.
I hide them so nobody knows.
Nobody can break my walls Not even me.
I see all of these lies people say.

I dropped my guard, you played your cards
You dug a hole in my skin!
You cut me deep
Then watched me bleed
While you plead your innocence.
It's in your eyes
Your filthy lies
The truth is there on your face.
So keep in mind
That I'm not blind
My memories can't be erased.
Everything I said came directly from my heart, it's true

Don't think I won't forget the things you've done to me,
I've drawn my line with you in the sand.
Right now you are the one,
Who is unforgiven.

You walked me to the gates of heaven,
Now I'm burning in hell.
Took something pure and true,
And turned it into something to sell.
Can you live with yourself?!
Each time you think about what you've done!
This is about the game you play, not the game that you've won.

You think you're slick, but here's the trick.
I'll always know more than you know.
You choose your fate,
This masquerade
Is done when you walk out the door.
Don't justify, your bullshit lies.
When it's obvious that you're fake.
Who's fooling who?
I know the truth.
This drama's more than I can take.

I just want to escape from this world. Live in my own.
Pain and suffering in this body. I want to live in a world on my own.
I want to escape this body into a new world. Leave my thoughts drop all that hurt me.

[renaruki]

Le Slender X Ren I just want a hug.

[renaruki]

Digging to the depths of my dreams,
I made my ascent to the heavens.
I followed my way through the gates of gold,
Only to find myself amongst the clouds alone.
It was in that moment that I lost my wings,
That second of despair where I fell,
And landed right in the pits of Hell.

A cold gaze suddenly my eyes,
Standing there in the presense of Charon.
The pale river ran red as I joined the harbourman.
It was a baptism with blood, a blessing from the Keres;
Silently screaming, this is deafening.
My eyes bleed as my vision blurs.

A moment of silence, filled with one solemn word:
Repent.

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret,
But worldly sorrow brings death.
Remember the height from which you have fallen!
Repent and do the things you did at first.
If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.
Remember, therefore, what you have received and heard;
Obey it, and repent.
But if you do not wake up, I will come like a thief,
And you will not know at what time I will come to you.

Shaking, begging, and pleading, I fell to my knees,
The beginning of the end of life and rebirth I could see;
All I could ask was “How can I leave?”

A new voice called from the dark, but it was familiar.
All I could make-out was a man-like figure.
I grabbed his arm only able the whisper,
“I was just making sure you were real.”
This has to be a the most utterly horrifying dream
Because all of this, it just can’t be…
Real…
Can I escape this Hell?

“I’m dead,” I said.
“I’m dead,” I said.
“I’m dead,”I-

WAKE UP!

“Please Lord, I’m asking you please…”
“We need you. I need you.”
“I’m so sorry, I love you.”
“I’m begging you, wake up, please.”

WAKE UP!

I was dazed and confused,
But the music, I swear,
It’s like it brought me back to life.
A second chance was all I had.
The dawn of a brand new day
And another that I would stay awake.

[renaruki]

What is life when all you do is suffer?
Purgatory, never-ending, even after death.
They'll forget your name when you're dead.
If they don't feel guilty now, why would they when you're gone?
They'll find another victim, they'll just move on.
I'm tired of this torture, it's time for things to change.

I fell in love with a girl, who is blind to me.
It feels like I have a thousand different enemies.
I'm not going to take this anymore,
I wonder if they're ready for what’s in store.
I walked up to room 409,
Only for the chaos to unravel inside.

I pulled out a pistol, and shot dream-girl’s secret admirer,
He didn't look the same with a bullet lodged in his brain.
I couldn't control my hand, as I shot all his friends,
It just felt right to put their lives to an end.
I ended up getting blood all over myself,
It's too late now I’m already going to hell.
Baptising myself in the blood of my torturers.
Running through the hall, taking countless lives.
Bang, bang! Death is all I see.
Bang, bang! I'm gonna kill you all.
So get over here, so I can use your guts to paint the wall.

And then I saw her in all her ravishing beauty,
Unfortunately, she never really knew me,
Just this image of the terror I turned out to be.
I admired her ever since the day that I saw her,
Now she fears me like a child would a monster.
I dropped the gun with tears in my eyes,
Said I was sorry in desperate little cries.
She jumped up and ran down the hall,
I fell to floor and curled up like a ball.

I could hear police sirens blaring from outside,
Gun-in-hand I crawled over the door of room 409.
I heard the officers running into rooms.
So I hid in the closet and waited for my impending doom.
I decided that with the time I had left that I would pray.
Even if God didn't listen I had some things to say.
"I'm sorry for all the things I've done,
I know I shouldn't have hurt anyone.
But no one saved me, no, I was all alone.
Even if I go to Hell, nothing's gonna change,
Eternal torture? Well, my life is exactly the same.
This the end, I can tell…
Can I still get into Heaven if I kill myself?"

I felt compelled to face the consequences like a man,
So I walked out of the closet with my shaking hands.
An officer of the law entered the room with his gun aimed at me.
And he told me "Son, just drop that gun. It'll be fine, just wait and see."
I responded, “With respect, I've got no hope left.
I refuse to suffer any longer.”
He took another step closer, his gun raised higher.
I closed my eyes and felt the warmth of the sun of this beautiful afternoon,
And I whispered to myself, "It’ll all be over soon."