lostwriter
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Post by lostwriter on Feb 6, 2013 21:55:27 GMT -5
Scars, that's all they are now, all faded and gone, but at one point, they used to be constant reminders of the numbness I felt. The pain I wished to feel, and maybe, just maybe, you have felt the same. Here is a thread where I will be placing my poetry from that time, and my art, which is much newer and usually much brighter, in contrast to the poetry. I may even, as time goes on, feel up to posting pictures I took of the cuts that once defined the emotion in my life. The one above is nothing more than one picture, one picture of around ten, of the many cuts that at one point lined my arm.
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lostwriter
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Post by lostwriter on Feb 6, 2013 22:00:16 GMT -5
Wondering Worried
Distant eyes A sad smile A horrible question No, a plea From a boy loved He doesn't believe it And he wishes for death By the hands of friends Beaten and broken But he's already broken Pretty sure he's beaten too A tried hug Simply pushed away Left standing alone Watching him walk So what if he's gay? How bad did he mess up To deserve death by friends? Only class to distract from him Wish he'd have told his story Would've been late for him
Ode to Jack
He wants his life to end Just 'cause he screwed up How can I save him If I can't even save myself We share common bonds Maybe too many to count I call him my brother Since he might as well be I want to protect him But it's me he wants to end him So maybe I'll end us both Not just him Because ending just him is wrong I can't let him go alone So I'll go with him Into the dark oblivion If after everything I try fails If after everything he chooses death I will pull the trigger for us both Or slit our throats If he wants something bloody 'Cause watching him hurting is killing me So to see him die Would throw me over
These are two poems I wrote about a friend of mine, Jack, or at least I think we are still friends, after that day, the day these poems were written on, I no longer know. We no longer talk, I have not seen him in about a year, but he is still alive, having found friends who accept him for who he is. I do hope he has stopped harming, but I will never know, I suppose.
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lostwriter
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Post by lostwriter on Feb 6, 2013 22:04:45 GMT -5
Night to Day
Night falls fast In a world of darkness All things made of shadows All things gone and done Remnants of the past And glimmers of the future Shrouded by shadows And swallowed by darkness Hope once found Gets lost so quickly Eternal night on the horizon Nothing left Only the darkness And a deep, dark depression That feeds from the darkness Growing stronger and stronger Never stopping Only daylight breaks the curse Throwing out the darkness And illuminating the world Throwing out the depression And returning hope Good friends appear Then when darkness returns There is still light For friends carry The brightest of lights
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lostwriter
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Post by lostwriter on Feb 6, 2013 22:06:08 GMT -5
I Wanna See What They See
Things are fake Things are wrong No one understands No one seems to care Darkness reigns over this heart All seems lost All seems hopeless Even the days are dimmer The sunlight avoiding me Friends do not see the fake smile Or the fake laughter Or the hear the lies They only see what they want to see The happiness behind the darkness I wanna see that too But they will not show me For I cannot ask them For fear of showing weakness To those who need me most I wanna see what they see I wanna be who they see So I let in the light And slowly I see it If even for a little while The fake turns real Things turn right Everything seems to go okay As the light begins to reign
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lostwriter
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Post by lostwriter on Feb 6, 2013 22:06:46 GMT -5
The Do Not Know Me
They do not know me The darkness that lies within The sadness, the pain No, they do not know it They say they understand I want to believe them But they do not know me They only know lies And fear That is who they think is me They do not know me The scars are deeper than they know The wounds internal and external Made by man and by metal They do not see these For they do not know me
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lostwriter
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Post by lostwriter on Feb 6, 2013 22:07:21 GMT -5
Darkness to Light
Darkness surrounds Everything seems so wrong I look towards the sky All I see is pain Everything is falling apart I cannot do anything So I fall to my knees Eyes screwed tight Trying to fight the tears The scars on my wrists So fresh and so new Burn brightly against pale flesh But all is lost in the darkness All hope, all thoughts, all life Only the pain remains Something breaks inside The tears fall down I cry out Crying for the Lord Needing him in every sense His arms wrap tight The darkness slowly fades away Giving way to light To hope, to life, to love The scars blend in to pale flesh I hold on tightly My tears falling swiftly Just to be wiped away by a gentle hand I am now safe I am alive And I am in his arms The darkness is gone
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lostwriter
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Post by lostwriter on Feb 6, 2013 22:07:55 GMT -5
Unnamed Poem
You ask me how I feel. I say fine. I really mean I am dying every minute, I go without the knife.
“Hey emo kid!” I hear across the hall. Not directed at me, but the anger is still there.
I lack the black clothes, the black hair, and the black nail polish. But every other part of the stereotype, yeah, that’s me.
I cut myself, and some would say I do it wrong. Then again, how would they know? They have never self-harmed.
The sadness I feel, it seems unnatural. I cry too much, and am often seen as weak.
However, what do they care? I am just the prey. The one with the scarred wrist. The one without a life to live, according to them.
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lostwriter
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Post by lostwriter on Feb 6, 2013 22:08:27 GMT -5
Keep Fighting
The lies begin to burn away, like cigarettes in the night. Turning to ashes, in front of my eyes.
Everything seems distant, even God seems far away. I’ve lost all hope, but it has not lost me.
We fight until the morning, but then we give in. We are then taken over again, and destroyed in our sleep.
I cannot give in, I must keep fighting. No matter the cost. No matter the price.
To lose the battle, is to lose my life. I have learned this the hard way, with scars on the wrist.
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lostwriter
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Post by lostwriter on Feb 6, 2013 22:08:57 GMT -5
Darkness Alone
The world has become jaded, My heart has become stone. All that I know, Is darkness alone.
Tell me no secrets. Tell me just lies. For in the end, The secrets are lies.
Katniss and Peeta, Haymitch and Effie, All of this fiction, Treated as reality. When will it end? Where will it stopped?
I ask you my friend, Do you only hear the music When your heart begins to break? Or do you always hear the music Because your heart is always broken?
Does the darkness make you crumble? Or does it make you stand tall? Or like me do you simply slip into it, Not knowing what you will find?
The world has become jaded, My heart has become stone. All that I know, Is darkness alone.
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lostwriter
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Post by lostwriter on Feb 6, 2013 22:09:26 GMT -5
Unnamed Poem (possibly unfinished)
There is darkness in my free bird heart. Reflected on its inner walls, Is the monster that I try to keep Hidden in the farthest chamber From the ones I love so dearly.
Maybe if I try to sleep, This darkness will take over me. Then leave behind an empty shell, To begin, begin, begin again.
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Post by Uuniison on Feb 6, 2013 22:10:03 GMT -5
These are beautiful poems, no matter how sad they are. Great job.
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lostwriter
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Post by lostwriter on Feb 6, 2013 22:10:04 GMT -5
Contemplating
They say I’m being lazy, Well they do not know the truth. My life hangs in the balance And I may just cut it loose.
I’m on a downward path, A speeding bullet train. The wheels just keep on turning, When I try to hit the brake.
So they don’t see the end The one I’m about to take. A single guy helped save my life, But that was just for then.
If they keep up this clueless act And keep putting off the signs I may no longer be around,
Though I guess they wouldn’t care. So many of them would be problem-less, If I just disappeared.
So I’ll just pull the knife from the drawer And place it at my wrist.
If any of them really care They’ll find me soon enough. But until they try and look I’ll add a few more scars.
Because the pain is all I feel And who said I had the guts?
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lostwriter
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Post by lostwriter on Feb 6, 2013 22:10:50 GMT -5
Remove and Repeat
In darkness he triumphs, ‘til no light remains.
Blade to the skin, remove and repeat.
Trade numbness for pain, though not the right kind.
Until all that remains, is a broken body and soul.
Blade to the skin, remove and repeat.
Why such a struggle, for mere emotions and feelings?
All bad things, look worse in the end.
Blade to the skin, remove and repeat.
Trying so hard, but trying is done.
He feeds on the darkness, makes it his home.
Blade to the skin, remove and repeat.
Help arises, To help a broken soul.
Little by little light returns.
He soon falls, so too does the darkness.
Blade to the skin, remove forever and rejoice.
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lostwriter
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Post by lostwriter on Feb 6, 2013 22:14:52 GMT -5
This is the last poem I wrote, I wrote it back in April of 2012 and it truly announces how far I have come, with my cutting. I wrote it to perform in front of a church group, which is why it is so religious, and honestly, I have started shying away from church more and more as I come to terms with my sexuality, because, even though I can fight any religious critic out there who says LGBTPQ people are "wrong" or "just going through a phase" I do not feel like doing so. Sure, I have religious friends, but I am not as close to them as I used to be. Yes, I still believe in God, but my views have started changing because I have seen hypocrites in the church, and that is what bothers me, but enough about my religious views, here is the poem.
How Far I Have Come
My life Has been full Of ups, and of downs Left turns turned right Right turns turned left Some years passed quickly While most passed, oh so slow Seventeen years Of trail and of tribulation
Born and raised Baptist Then I fell away Away from God Away from church Away from the girl I was Turned away from all I knew Became angry Became hardened Yet also broken
Bullied for years Thirteen to be exact You name it They said it I held it all in Locking it away Saving it for a rainy day When I would break Break down and cry
The cuts lined my arm From wrist to elbow Angry and broken Misunderstood Nothing could save me So I believed The tears stained the pillow Then I found something Something to believe in
I found God again Found someone to talk with Returned to church All seemed well I was still angry Still broken Still misunderstood I was better So I thought
Everything crashed around me Tricked and deceived More lies told Not just by me Mom lied Dad lied Therapist remained true As did God And his crew
Now I am here Standing before you all A young woman Still slightly broken Yet stronger than before A heart of gold A walk with God Renewed faith Renewed spirit
I tell you all this Not to laugh Not to cry Not even to reflect Only to show you Just how far The broken loner girl The one with the big heart Just how far she has come
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lostwriter
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Post by lostwriter on Feb 6, 2013 22:18:35 GMT -5
This image was drawn, by me, on request from a very depressed friend of mine. She is suicidal and the only reason she has not tried, is because her parents watch her like hawks, which actually make things worse. I am going to suggest this site to her, because she needs someplace she can go to just be free, to be free of her parents, and so that, when I am not there, she can still have someone to talk to.
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